Agnes FUCKIN Noggins

It is with deep sorrow and yet profound gratitude for a life well-lived that we announce the passing of Agnes Noggins on February 17, 2026, at the remarkable age of 420. Agnes was born in London on November 16, 1605, to John and Mary Noggins, who have both preceded her in death. She left this world as she lived in it—uniquely—after a lengthy and courageous battle with illness. Agnes's life was an extraordinary tapestry woven with resilience and an unmatched spirit. She was a woman of many facets, known for her distinct qualities and unyielding character. Throughout her centuries, she touched countless lives and left an indelible mark on those who knew her. Her humor and warmth were constants in a world of change. Agnes's family and friends will remember her as a devoted sister to Eileen and Petunia, who survive her. She was also blessed with a large and ever-growing family, including 245,242 grandchildren and 100 great-grandchildren, each of whom carries forward her legacy of tenacity and individuality. Despite the unconventional aspects of her life, including her unique marriage and her active membership in the Church of Satan, Agnes embraced every challenge with open arms and an open heart. Her life was a testament to living authentically and embracing one's true self, regardless of societal norms. A service to honor Agnes's incredible life will be held on February 28, 2026, at 05:09, at a location that might be considered unconventional but is entirely fitting for her—Some Dump. This gathering will be an opportunity for those who knew and loved her to share memories and celebrate the legacy she leaves behind. While Agnes's journey on this earthly plane has come to an end, her spirit will forever remain in the hearts of those she leaves behind. The family invites those who knew her to remember her fondly and honor her memory in their own special way. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you embrace life fully, as Agnes did, and remember her with warmth and joy. Though her family's message may seem harsh, it is reflective of the humor and edge that Agnes carried with her through life: "Go to hell," they say with love, knowing that Agnes's spirit will always be larger than life itself. May she rest in peace, forever cherished and remembered.